WASHINGTON, D.C.-In a move that was the natural next step in an evolving line of cases that began with Roe v. Wade, the US high court today ruled that “aborting annoying and inconvenient politicians falls within the purview of the Roe line of cases,” finding that “full-term abortions are an acceptable expression of personal sovereignty” under the US Constitution.
In a 5-4 decision penned by Chief Justice Roberts, the court articulated an evolving doctrine of ‘privacy,’ which it ruled, “extends to matters and persons beyond the traditional scope of personal convenience.”
The matter came to controversy when police discovered the bodies of several ‘progressive’ state legislators stacked in the state Capitol building basement in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. During the investigation it was determined that a maintenance worker had been using the bodies of progressive legislators as fuel in the building’s furnace.
Maintenance worker Bernhard Plockhorst was taken into custody and thereafter claimed that his defense in the case was his right to abort anyone who directly inconvenienced him. In fact, Plockhorst’s attorneys produced written and recorded statements from each of the legislative victims wherein they personally supported the practice of aborting the lives of those who were deemed by another to be inconvenient, no matter how far along they were in the developmental process.
Plockhorst claimed that the inconvenience caused him by the state legislators, even though far beyond their second trimester of development, outweighed any right to life or liberty under the Constitution that they might claim, and the high court has agreed.
The State Senate Majority Leader expressed shock and dismay at the court’s ruling today, and said that Plockhorst should at least be prosecuted for burning his victims’ corpses in the capitol furnace. However, a perusal of Pennsylvania law shows no such prohibition.
When asked what he plans to do now that he has been exonerated by the US Supreme Court, Mr. Plockhorst says he isn’t sure, but while held in the county jail he was greatly annoyed by television personality Bill Maher, who appears to be in complete agreement with Plockhorst’s full term abortion philosophy.